Tag: life (page 1 of 1)

January 2, 2025 / 0 Comments

No More Hiding

As the clock ticked to midnight, we were in Disney Concert Hall with the rest of “grown & sexy” Los Angeles losing our minds to Mike Phillips doing saxophone solos over Bone Crusher’s “Never Scared.” Nothing says you’re of a certain age like stomping the yard in one of the world’s premiere orchestral venues as a jazz saxophonist gets you hyped to a song that started fights in clubs 20 years ago.

We old, y’all. But much like Big Daddy Kane—who closed the D-Nice & Friends New Year’s Eve Club Quarantine Show and is well into his fifties—these knees still work, and we’re still out here getting the job done.

We are dancing in the aisles. We sing along loudly and off-key with Johnny Gill and Jon B. We canoodle to NEXT and Case’s hip-hop ballads. We get hyped to Greg Nice, En-Eye-Cee-Eee. We praise 90s icons in the building like Arsenio Hall, Yo-Yo, and the dearly departed DJ Clark Kent, whose turntables, kicks, and signature fitted cap were in a place of honor on stage. 

I did not want to enter 2025 on my couch watching other people’s lives on our TV. Leaving 2024 behind required something tactile. I needed catharsis.

I am not so dramatic as to need to burn off the sadness, loss, and illness that were frequent in the previous year, but I longed to feel of and in the world. I wanted to feel the electricity of being alive.

I wanted to feel all the days of my big Gen X age and, instead of standing on the sidelines shaking my head, be in the thick of it shaking my ass.

We took public transportation to experience the holiday with our fellow Angelenos. We ran into Cadence of the LA Sparks Crew on the train there. I took that as a good omen. Was our favorite tumbler from our favorite team going in the same direction as we were? Yes.

As we returned home, downtown LA was filled with shiny, happy people. We got to pet dogs and laugh at kids up way past their bedtime while dodging our intoxicated neighbors as they navigated to their next destination.

Like us, I hope they all made it safely to their beds and opened their eyes this morning to a day of perfect winter weather in our fair city. 

As I opened my eyes for the first time in 2025, I was immediately reminded that getting home safe and waking up is not guaranteed.

If we are so lucky as to wake up in this life, let’s face it directly. 

I ain’t never scared.

April 4, 2024

On Kevin Toney

It wasn’t every day that I would join my dad on his doctor’s visits, but on one of those rare occasions, we met with a new doctor who said, “Men our age have to figure out life in retirement.”

My dad’s voice, though weakened, still carried the strength of his spirit. ‘I’m not retired,’ he declared, ‘I’m a musician, composer, conductor, and author.’ His words were a testament to his unwavering dedication to his craft and the life he and his God had created.

The doctor apologized, and we moved on, but over the last year, no matter the circumstance, Kevin Toney wanted those who would treat and care for him to know who he was.

Musician. Composer. Conductor. Author. Son. Brother. Husband. Father. Man of God.

His titles were posted in his room to remind us that he was much more than a patient.

No matter who he was to us as individuals, his presence resonated far beyond our spheres. Kevin Toney was a beacon of inspiration, a guiding light, and a source of comfort to countless others worldwide.

When we needed to communicate on his behalf—to receive his messages, answer his emails, respond to voicemails, and such—it became apparent that his list of signifiers should grow.

He was also a mentor to so many. As his son, I saw him as quiet, often stoic. He always had his questions for me, but he was comfortable listening to the rest of us be vocal at home. I thought of him as speaking with his fingers on a keyboard or with a mic in his hand.

But that was not the whole of him. With his broad circle of family, friends, colleagues, fans, and beyond, he was loud. He was a frequent and trusted voice in so many lives.

Fred Rodgers—the children’s TV host—talked about looking for helpers during a tragedy. In so many lives, Kevin Toney was that Helper. He was generous with his time, his dollars, and his wisdom.

The most critical honorific I can convey to him, which I have said about him over the years, is that “he is a good man.” My father’s journey was not always smooth. He faced his share of challenges and made mistakes along the way. But what set him apart was his unwavering commitment to self-improvement. He tried hard to be a better person every day, to learn from his mistakes, and to make amends. He didn’t want regrets. He sought to correct his transgressions. He wanted no relationship in his life to sit in conflict. He was ever hungry for reconciliation, connection, mutual respect, and love.

Those are the actions of a musician, composer, conductor, author, son, brother, husband, father, mentor, Helper, good man, and man of God.

Dad, you have left an indelible mark on this world, and your legacy will continue to inspire and guide us. Thank you for the music, the wisdom, and the love. We will carry your memory in our hearts forever.

My father, Kevin Toney, made his peaceful transition on March 18th, 2024. We laid him to rest on April 4th, 2024.

In lieu of flowers, you can make a donation to The Kevin Toney Memorial Scholarship Fund at Howard University.